Watching Over You
by Takeo-chan
Summary: Kasuka/Shizuo: Shizuo has been having some pretty disturbing thoughts lately...


**This is a contest entry for AdoptAYaoiPairing's contest of deviantart. The prompt was the song My True Self by KAITO. I tried my best to integrate the lyrics into what Shizuo says and thinks. I only own the story, Shizuo, Kasuka and Izaya all belong to Ryohgo Narita and the song lyrics belong to whoever wrote them.**

'Why do I hate myself so much?' Shizuo thought as he trekked through the streets of Ikebukuro, hands thrust into his trouser pockets. He caught his reflection in a store's window and stopped to view it for a few moments, '…it's because of my body,' he concluded, 'my uncontrollable body.'

The body that gave him the power to lift, break and beat anything into submission. Sure, some people thought having a real super power was amazing. On more than one occasion he had heard a kid scream out, "it's like something out of a manga!" Well, it was no manga. It was Shizuo's life and he never thought his gift was amazing. He _hated_ it. He had gone through his whole life thinking of himself as a demon but he persevered and acted tough through it all. So much so that everything stopped affecting him at some point. There was no pain. There was no happiness. There was no love. There was only anger and right now said emotion was making it increasingly difficult to not punch right through window. He walked on, hurriedly retrieving a cigarette from the pack in his pocket then lighting it with his silver lighter. He took a long drag as he passed a busy coffee shop that a group of teenage girls was seated outside of.

"Is that Shizuo Heiwajima?" He heard one of them say.

"Oh my god, it is!" Squealed another.

"He's so handsome!"

"Watch it, girls, rub _him_ the wrong way and you'll probably end up six feet under!"

A chorus of shrill giggling penetrated the bartender's brain. He increased his speed tenfold, desperate to escape the harsh laughter. 'Why are they making fun of me?' He said within in mind as he exhaled a cloud of pungent smoke. Watching it dissipate caused a new question to enter his mind, one that he hadn't thought about in a very long time, '_why am I breathing_?' Really, why was he? He was Ikebukuro's resident monster. He had a job that, let's face it, he was barely ever at since he spent most of his time chasing down that flea, Izaya Orihara. He lived in a tiny, one bedroom apartment that was barely worth the money he paid for it. Nothing was worth living for. If he disappeared from the world tomorrow, there would be no one to cry for him. He was willing to bet that the residents of Ikubukuro would be relieved to have no more vending machines flying through the air, no more damage to the city and no more missing street signs. There was no doubt in Shizuo's mind now. He was going to climb to the roof of his apartment complex and he was going to splatter himself all over the pavement below.

Getting to the top of the building was the easy part. As Shizuo stared down at the concrete beneath him, he was beginning to have second thoughts. It looked inviting enough but his body, his stupid body, would not jump. He willed it to move, counted down and even tried to surprise himself into doing it but he wouldn't jump.

'Even now, I'm hesitant...' he thought bitterly, 'I can't even commit suicide right.' He balled his hand into a tight fist and looked at it, 'why won't you let me jump?'

"Shizuo...?" A voice called out for him quietly. He whipped around and saw a frail-looking brunette standing not five feet from him wearing a frightened expression on his face.

"Kasuka."

"Wh-what are you doing?" He questioned in a shaky voice, "get down from there, please."

"No," Shizuo turned away from him and stared down at the sidewalk once more, "I've made up my mind. There's nothing you can say that'll change that."

"You can't do this," he insisted, "you've got so much to live for."

"Bullshit!" Shizuo snapped, "what do I have? A crappy apartment, a crappy job and I'm going to die anyway from smoking, might as well speed it up a bit."

"Please, no!" Kasuka grasped his bicep firmly, "get down from there and let's talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"Shut up and listen to me!" Kasuka fumed. Shizuo was taken aback. He had never seen Kasuka show so much emotion unless he was in front of a camera. The brunette took a breath before he continued in a more levelled tone, "I love you. I've loved you for a very long time. I can't let you live on thinking you have nothing because you have me...Shizuo...you've always had me...I'll become your reason to live."

Shizuo couldn't find the words to say anything back to him, he was much too shocked by what he said. He tentatively licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak. A feeble 'really?' was all he could muster.

"Yes, really," Kasuka said with a nod, "now it's about time you cut this out and wake up!"

As if on cue, Shizuo's surroundings started to spin and the colours clumped together in a nauseating mosaic. He was sure he was going to see stars in a minute but just as he was starting to feel sick, the spinning stopped and he found himself lying in a room that was completely white. He raised a blonde brow and looked around, disappointed and confused to find himself in the hospital. Kasuka was sitting in the chair beside his bed with his eyes wide and mouth agape.

"What?" He questioned confusedly.

Kasuka blinked, still surprised by the blond's state and said, "do you have any idea how worried I was? When you didn't wake up right away, I was scared you weren't ever going to wake up again!"

He was showing emotion again which made Shizuo even more confused. 'Did I jump and not die?' He asked himself, 'I feel sore. That has to be it.'

"Do you remember anything from the accident?" Kasuka asked.

"Um..." Shizuo mumbled, "we were at the top of my building, right?"

The brunette stared at him quizzically, "...no...you got hit by a truck almost a month ago."

"What!" Said the bartender, sitting up quickly in his bed, "again!"

"You have a bad habit of it," Kasuka remarked, "they said you were going to be fine but you weren't waking up and it was seriously confusing everyone. They said you had fallen into a coma."

"...So...we weren't at the top of my building?"

"No," Kasuka shook his head, "it had to be some sort of delusion."

Shizuo narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, "...you telling me you love me was a delusion?"

Kasuka's face instantly flushed a dark crimson and he looked to the floor. "...You heard that?" Shizuo nodded. Kasuka's blush darkened, "...I heard somewhere that if you talk to someone whose unconscious, they'll wake up...I tried to give you a reason to wake up...did it work?"

Shizuo smirked a bit and motioned for him to move closer. He obeyed and moved to sit on his bedside but before he could even settle into the spot, Shizuo grabbed him by the hair and their lips met.

"Mmfph!" Kasuka squeaked in surprise at the spontaneity of the action but soon became comfortable with it, so comfortable in fact that he caught himself actually cursing Shizuo when he pulled away.

"Yeah, it worked," he said before kissing him again. Kasuka's response was immediate. He buried his hands into the other's hair and deepened the kiss, forcing his way into Shizuo's mouth and gently sucking on his bottom lip. "Hey, Kasuka..." Shizuo said when they broke for air, "how long have you been sitting at my bedside for?"

Kasuka smiled shyly, "a few weeks. I thought I'd be okay with you being here but I couldn't take it for more than a week, I was way too worried. I had to watch over you." He brought his hand up to Shizuo's forehead and brushed some hair out of his chocolate eyes, then brushed the back of his hand across his cheek, "I'll always watch over you, Shizuo."

**END**


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